The Transfiguration of the Lord
Fruit of the Mystery: Desire for Holiness
Transfigured for Holiness
by Courtney Michele Maurer
Two years after my first child was born, my soul, mind, and body began to shut down. I became ill and from January to April 2019, I had already undergone three surgical procedures. On top of all the student and credit card debt my husband and I already had, the medical bills sent us spiraling into an option we never wanted to consider: bankruptcy. As an added bonus, delayed Postpartum Depression hit me head on. I had to stop working and began to feel completely lost for a vocation and a purpose because for the first time in my life, I could not take care of myself or my family. I was born Catholic, but circumstances weaved faith in and out of our family life growing up, making it feel optional rather than essential.
In my early college years, my immediate family fell apart, leaving me exposed to the world of limitless, subjective “truths” to pick and choose from like a buffet window in navigating through life. Without any guidance or compass, I felt lost and living in a world that was pointless. I was pointless.
Deep in a pool of depression, shame, and growing anxieties, I began my emotional retreat from my husband and child. One night, I isolated myself in my dark room, unable to think through the hurt anymore. I knew this night would end one of two ways…either I would not be waking up in the morning or I would be someone new. I still had, for whatever reason, an ounce of fight left in me and so I hit Google for help.
That is the state of mind I lived in: Google was my savior, my refuge, and my strength. I combed the internet for hours, surprised at the realization that help is extremely difficult to find for free in a moment of desperation. Having finally given up on help, I did something I never thought I would do. I searched, “bathtub suicide.” It makes me sad to write that, but I did. Just as my mind started to slowly drift off into that thought, a text lit up my screen. Like the proverbial light in the dark, an angel texted me that night.
A woman from a free Christian Counseling text service asked if I was there and we began to chat, but the conversation took a turn I never expected. At first I was so relieved someone contacted me but I quickly became annoyed, realizing this woman wanted to evangelize me.
“Been there, done that,” I huffed.
I honestly thought I knew everything about the Lord and the Bible and she was wasting my time. Now I know better and I also know I was so disturbed because the demons holding me down were fighting against the LIGHT bursting through their dark cloud of oppression they built over me. I know my Guardian Angel sent that woman to speak to me that night because when I finally let her in, she revealed to me that I was shutting my husband out and unwilling to let anyone help me. She also encouraged me to seek holiness in my life.
“Holiness? What? Like Mother Teresa? Fat chance, I am a big, ol’ sinner here!”
She prayed for me at the end of the conversation and asked that I let the Lord in. And I thought, “How on earth did I not see that I have been shutting everyone, even the Lord, out?” Then I remembered all the new ageism I had recently adopted, clouded my understanding of who God is and how to access Him.
When our texting ended, I was alone again in the dark, but this time I felt some hope. I tried to pray but I just could not, in my shame and guilt, call out for Jesus. I felt too far removed from Him. It was then some of my long lost Catholicism that saved me.
“Mary, Mother of Jesus, can you please help me? Can you please get me out of this darkness? I am afraid of what I will do.”
It just felt easier to go a level “lower”, in my opinion. Maybe she, a mother too, would not turn me down or judge me. Thanks be to God, I made it through that darkest of nights into the dawn of another morning because I know, Mother Mary stayed my hand.
My personal transfiguration is all Jesus desires. My desire for holiness is the burst of encouragement He needed on the beaten and burdened path to the cross. He does not just love me, He is love for my sake.
Courtney Maurer
A few days later, sitting at my desk I started to research some “church stuff” and because I felt a little more comfortable with Mary, I started with her. I wanted to know if there was solid proof that she was real so I randomly started Googling pictures and stories about her when I came across a video suggestion on the internet. Clicking the link in curiosity, I was transported to a beautiful town that looked like…Italy maybe? There, on a rocky hillside, was a crowd of people and a sea of swinging rosaries in their hands. Then a blonde, thin woman, whom the crowd seemed to part for like the Red Sea, slowly climbed up to a spot where she painfully kneeled and began to pray the rosary. It was a serene scene on a beautiful sunny day, the woman was wearing a blue shirt, but I noticed her crying and swaying in aching pain.
As a trained and professional massage therapist (which is where a lot of my new age confusion came from) and I knew that she must have a structural issue to be in that much pain and loss of balance. In agony, she swayed and clutching her rosary, wiped her eyes for almost eight minutes when all of a sudden she lifted her clear blue eyes and her hands to the sky. The look on her face, which now looked 20 years younger, told me everything I needed to know. Mary is real and she is here and that means God is too. She was clearly no longer in pain and I wanted whatever these people had at this beautiful place.
I glanced down at the video title to see this weird word: “Medjugorje.” I remembered my mom talking about a place called Medjugorje* growing up. She never pronounced it right and I never really asked what it was all about, so I had no idea why it was important. Now Mary, my spiritual Mother, was reminding me and bringing me back to life from that miraculous mountainside thousands of miles away.
From that moment on, I read anything I could get my hands on about Mary. I must have watched every video available about Jesus and Mary and then even read about the Catholic Church! It was a whole new world— a hopeful world, opening up to me. Little did I know I was at the starting gate of a four-year conversion journey that would bring me and my family back to the Lord and His one true Catholic and Apostolic church.
I never knew so many things about my faith before that life altering moment when Mary took my hand and got me out of all my depression and despair. I never even knew the Transfiguration happened in the Bible on another mountain so long ago. The Transfiguration quickly became my favorite mystery of the Holy Rosary because Peter, James, and John saw heaven manifested in their teacher’s transfigured body, and in that moment they witnessed the very mystery of future life!
They saw the reality of Christ’s identity in His transfiguration and they too, were transformed. They saw the Divine plan of fulfillment in the future church alongside the Law (Moses) and the prophets (Elijah). I knew that God, in His infinite goodness and mercy, had privileged me in the same way. This beautiful moment, sparked a desire in me to seek not only holiness in my life by accepting the Holy Spirit’s guidance one little “yes” at a time but a call even to sainthood. I never thought of that as a remote possibility or even a desire to behold before.
For my small circle of friends and family, I became the most excited and zealous spokesperson for the Catholic Church this side of the Mississippi, and people saw the instant change. I became healthy in body, mind, and soul for the first time in ages. I now run a ministry called Generation Triumphant because we are the generation called to help and witness the triumph of Our Lady’s Immaculate Heart through each and every conversion around the globe. Within the last few months we have expanded to a prayer channel on Telegram and hold a live cenacle promoting the rosary six days a week. I run a book club through our incredible Telegram community and, at the behest of Mother Mary, a rosary shop as well.
My life now has purpose: to serve my familial vocation out the most sacrificially I can and to share God with anyone who will listen, promoting the Holy Rosary. If I can encourage people to give their “Fiat” to a life of fulfillment and holiness in Him through Our Lady’s prayer, I will have returned the favor she did for me in saving my life and soul.
My Holy Mother did not fail me that night; she got me through to the dawn. Little did I know, it was not simply the dawn of one more day, but the dawn of a new life, the dawn of a new calling. She needs me, I have a purpose, and I am important to Her. I am essential to Her Son’s happiness. My personal transfiguration is all Jesus desires. My desire for holiness is the burst of encouragement He needed on the beaten and burdened path to the cross. He does not just love me, He is love for my sake.
And so now, as I sit here…bawling by the way… writing this, I pray it blesses you to give your “fiat” to your own transfiguration and new call to holiness. You are a saint in the making. Never let Satan accuse you into darkness. Nothing you could do would make Jesus turn around and not run to the cross for your sake. In fact, in the Diary of Saint Faustina Jesus tells her, “The greater the sinner, the greater my mercy.”
What a wonderful and beautiful family we have in heaven. I am so blessed to have been rescued, so blessed to have been called, so blessed to have been transfigured in Christ Jesus through the intercession of His most Immaculate Mother whom I can never thank enough.
Author’s Note:
Some other ways I have actively helped myself to stay in the light are:
- Daily Rosary and prayer community
- Frequent Confession and Mass
- Stop the Netflix and Chill Ritual (I now only watch faith building or family friendly streaming TV with no ads and it has been a lifesaver for my whole family)
- Reading scripture aloud as a family or Rosary as a family. Read holy books
- Downloading Faith building Apps like Formed, Hallow, and Radio Maria
- Youtube (I have subscribed to so many good Catholic Channels that keep me in touch with what is important and true)
- Find a ministry or way to inspire others (this could be private prayer, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or running a public platform. God needs us all to fill a role and that is for our sake and for others’ as well).
Contrary to what you may be feeling at this moment, you are not too far gone to be worth saving. If you hear that message in your ear, turn and shout, “Get behind me Satan.” And call on the Precious blood of Jesus Christ. You are precious in His sight and contrary to what our world wants you to believe, you are never out of His sight.
Thank you for reading and praying for me as I will most assuredly be praying for you!
*The official position of the Church on apparitions and miracles at Medjugorje remain Non constat de supernaturalitate (Not determined to be supernatural) (Neither approved nor condemned; not determined; neutral)-Motherhood Through the Mysteries
Courtney Maurer is a proud Catholic wife and momma of 2 who lives in the East Tennessee mountains. She has been called by Our Lady to promote the rosary worldwide and currently runs a social media prayer platform as the director of GENERATION TRIUMPHANT prayer ministries.
Generation Triumphant seeks to promote the rosary as Our Lady’s call to take up the weapon of our times and climb into the Ark that is Our Heavenly Mother. You can join the Prayer Army on Telegram, Instagram, listen to Podcasts on Spotify, and purchase a rosary from the Generation Triumphant Etsy shop as well!
Join the Generation who will aid and witness the Triumph of the Immaculate Heart on Instagram, Telegram, Etsy and Podcast
Motherhood Through the Mysteries 