Photo by Kelsey Green
The Descent of the Holy Spirit
Fruit of the Mystery: Wisdom & Love of God
With the Conception of Every Child a Mother is Born
“I’m going to take a pregnancy test!”, I shouted across the apartment to my husband as I walked anxiously into our bathroom. The time had come to find out if what I had been feeling were phantom pregnancy symptoms or if I was, in fact, carrying another life inside of me.
I braced myself for the seemingly endless three-minute wait and the uncertainty of a faint second line, but within a minute, a very prominent positive result appeared. I looked up and into the mirror, as if my reflection would respond to my disbelief, before looking back at the stick.
A small smile came to my face, accompanied by an overwhelming sense of impending change and, honestly, impending doom. As a life was growing inside of me, I realized a “death to self” was also beginning.
I slowly opened the bathroom door and very un-eloquently told my husband, “So, um, I’m pregnant.”
“What?! Wait, what?!”
It’s funny how joy can mix so smoothly with disbelief. Due to the fact that my husband had testicular cancer before we met, we had both prepared ourselves for the trials of infertility.
As a result, I was unprepared for the complete identity shift that happens the moment you find out you are a mother. It’s often said that with the birth of a child, a mother is born, but I disagree. I believe that with the conception of every child, a mother is born. In that instant, deep inside, a truth takes root: that you are no longer the same. In a moment, your life changes, and your own dreams and plans are replaced by a great unknown. Still, a new love pours forth from you.
You see, once I became a mother, I started to understand God’s love for me better than I ever had before — his selfless and life-giving love, his unmerited gifts, his mercy, his tenderness and compassion … they all hit me in a new, profound way.
As I experienced this deep love for my child, I understood more profoundly how God was pouring out His love for me. I came to realize that he truly cares about each detail of my life, no matter how seemingly insignificant, solely because I am his daughter.
We can only grow to love God more fully as we come to know him. Now, as a mother, I understand him more as Father, as Creator. As I watch my son grow, I understand Christ more — his humility, his total trust of Mary, his love for his Father. I have come to know the Holy Spirit more as I beg him for his gifts to raise my son.
As I grow to know God more, in each person of the Trinity, I love him more. Becoming a mother, from the very moment I found out I was one, has opened me up to greater depths of His love than I ever could have imagined.
About Leslie: Leslie Knopf is first and foremost a wife and first-time mother to an adorable, red-headed and spirited one-year-old. Leslie is an experienced Church Communication specialist with a Licentiate degree focused in Church Communications from the Pontifica Universita della Santa Croce and she is the Executive Director of Catholic CAST Media. CAST is a non-profit organization that creates high-quality media for the Catholic faith through CAST Video Studio, Catholic-Link, and Catholic Bytes podcast. To get in touch about collaboration opportunities, you can reach Leslie at firstname.lastname@example.org. To just get connected, you can reach Leslie at email@example.com